


Without Him

by F0R3V3RCAT



Category: 19th Century CE RPF, Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alexander is dead, Eliza is sad, Except for Philip who is also dead, F/M, Major character death - Freeform, The children are sad, just sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-14 00:55:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29038212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/F0R3V3RCAT/pseuds/F0R3V3RCAT
Summary: Eliza is left shattered after her husbands death, what’s more to say?
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler
Comments: 1
Kudos: 14





	Without Him

~

A woman lay alone in bed, her pillow soaked from the moisture running down her cheeks. She had laid down with the intention of sleeping, she hadn’t slept in days, but laying there in bed alone, she couldn’t help but let her thoughts wander back to him.

Her dearest Alexander, the man that had brought her so much joy and pain, who had torn her down only to build her back up even stronger then she had been before. She didn’t feel strong though, she didn’t know how she was supposed to be strong without him here with her.

Why wasn’t he here? Hadn’t God taken enough from her already? Was loosing her precious son not enough? She just wanted Alexander with her, she just wanted to be with him.

At one point she had thought that the affair was the most pain he would ever be able to bring her, but she had been so, so wrong. She would gladly have him sleep with every woman in the world if it meant she could just have him back.

She had always thought that she would get to grow old with him, that when her beloved eventually took his last breath he would be comfortable, that he would finally be able to be satisfied. However, it seemed that such a fate was never to be bestowed upon him. No, he had died in agony, his life being forcefully ended by the bullet that had tore his body apart.

She could still hear his pained groans as the doctors poked and prodded the wound, the pitiful whimpers that would fall past his lips whenever his eyes closed against the pain. She had been with him the whole time, all through the night and into the morning when his body had finally granted him release. She supposed it had been a cruel blessing, that he hadn’t suffered anymore then he already had, but it had still shattered her. It had broke her far more then the affair, the only thing that compared was loosing her sweet Philip, only now she didn’t have Alexander here to help her with her grief, with her pain. She was alone.

Every day she got pitiful looks from people that happened to see her, whispered apologies and well wishes. She always had to resist the urge to scoff, because nothing they did could help. Unless a magician came along and brought her Alexander back, she didn’t care to see or speak to anyone. Except for Burr, how she would love to see him.

May the good Lord show that man mercy, because if he ever crossed her path again she wouldn’t. He had taken Alexander away from her, he was the reason that her love had been put through so much pain, so much suffering. Thirty one hours, that’s how much pain Burr had put on her husband, and that’s how much pain she would put on him if she ever got the chance. She was a forgiving person, but Burr had managed to truly earn her hate.

Her children suddenly sprung into her mind, her sweet babies. Everyday she forced herself to get up, because she had to be strong for them, as a mother it was her job.

Her poor Angie had retreated even further into her shell, becoming even more distant and childlike. 

Alex had dropped all his studies, seeming to have lost all interest in proceeding any further.

James had been nothing but angry every since Alexander’s death, snapping at anybody who so much as looked at him, but tears seemed to constantly be pooled in his eyes. 

John would start crying whenever he thought nobody was looking, but would always try to smile and be happy around people. 

William, who was still just a bit to young to fully grasp death, would often ask where his father was, often times getting upset when anyone tried to explain to him that his dad was gone. 

Lizzy, though she wasn’t quite old enough to grieve as the others did, would ask for her father, much as William would. 

Little Philip was only two, so his father’s passing hadn’t affected him to strongly, though sometimes he would cry and simply be unconsolable until he fell asleep or became distracted.

It seemed that all of her children, regardless of age or anything else, were hurting. Of course they were, their brother had died just a few years ago, and now they had lost their father too, and from the same cause nonetheless. So she was doing everything she could for them, only letting herself cry when she was alone in her bed at night.

There was still so much that needed to be done. Alexander had left them in deep debt, of which she knew he had tried so hard to bring down. It made her wonder just how long he had known the duel was going to happen, how long had he been preparing himself to die?

However, she didn’t have the energy to do anything more then what she already was, she was just to tired, to distraught to deal with financial problems. Usually, she would rush to do anything she could to make her and her children’s lives as comfortable as possible, just a few weeks ago she would have gladly tried to get rid of some of their debt, but now she didn’t have even the slightest motivation to do so. She was broken, the love of her life was gone, she couldn’t do anything. She felt so helpless.

So it seemed that everything she had been, she now was not, and she couldn’t even find the energy to care.

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah this is just pain, and I’m not even sorry. I wrote this because I was in the mood to write something sad, I need to go read something fluffy now to stable my mental health ;-;
> 
> Anyway, I hope you all have a wonderful rest of your day/night. And until next time this is F0R3V3RCAT, signing off~


End file.
